RANT: Should you boycott Portal 2? Only if you’re a moron

Apparently, user ratings for all three versions of Portal 2 on Metacritic have plummeted to as low as five-point-something, thanks to a co-ordinated attack from a group of angry fans.

And obviously, they are idiots.

According to this report, the angry fans’ issues are targeted at the PC version, and are as follows:

“PC users are upset that the game is a console port, and even includes references to turning off the ‘console’ when saving.”

I’ve played through both the Xbox 360 version and the PC version. The PC version is, as you’d expect, light years ahead. So regardless of how they developed the game internally, for all intents and purposes it may as well be the other way around. In addition, the console reference (oh no!) appears to have been removed. Portal 2 looks stunning on any platform, and if development had been led on PC first, do you honestly think it would look significantly better? The art in the game is beautiful and, both artistically and technically, it’s Valve’s most visually impressive game to date on console and PC. So who cares? Morons!

“The game’s short running time.”

You can’t be serious. Even on a second play through when I already know how to beat every level pretty fast, this is still at least a seven hour game by my timing and will be significantly more on the first play through. In an age where some game franchises hand in a major sequel with a campaign almost as a bonus feature to complement the multiplayer, Portal 2’s running time is actually quite optimal when you consider that every moment of the experience is fantastic. So what’s the problem? Morons!

“The online store, which is already filled with downloadable content”

I can sort of understand this one, a little. But not really. The DLC is just non-essential add-on tat, such as additional “gestures” and skins for use in co-op play: all rather superfluous and I wouldn’t touch it with a bargepole, but y’know, it’s there if you want it – and at least it’s there on day one IF YOU DO. What does it matter whether DLC comes now or later? If there’s any further, proper DLC on the way then I’ll be looking forward to it. But some costumes and other store crap? Who cares? Morons!

“The controversial ARG promotional campaign – which tempted players into buying unrelated indie titles.”

So let me get this right. A company has a product launch. And in the run up to said product launch they do various kinds of marketing, including some alternative reality game nonsense, if you like that kind of thing. And, in said marketing, they have the audacity to try and market some other stuff on the side? No way! That’s good marketing, last time I checked. Does this have anything at all to do with Portal 2, the finished product? No, it does not. Morons!

I know these childish users have already been chastised around half the Internet, but I just couldn’t resist.

Read our Portal 2 review from yesterday morning here if you still haven’t heard what makes it so great.